A gathering of ideas, rants, reflections leading up to the big day

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Traveling fools

This post is delving into personal thoughts and feelings. Please be kind and remember you are reading MY blog and I am not forcing any of my thoughts or concerns onto you. This post is also very free-form...I am working these issues out.

D$ and I had a great Memorial day weekend. We had dinner Friday with his sister, after dinner drinks with our favorite friends in Phoenix. Saturday we drove North east, to a little "Nation-town" on the Navajo Nation. Our friends are up there doing a medical rotation and it is a great launching points for some of the prettiest spots in AZ, maybe the country.

We went to Lee's Ferry and hiked around the Colorado River, spotted some California Condors, were rained on and shone upon.

Sunday we spent at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. If you've been to the GC, you most likely went to the South Rim, the North- if you can do it- is less crowded, quieter and just as spectacular. We did a few rim hikes but mostly stood and awed at the sites.

Here's where we get to the nitty gritty. Our friends we visited in Phoenix are Child-free. Our friends in Northern AZ have a 6 month old. I thought I would walk away from this trip feeling a longing for the baby. Don't get me wrong, I held him and squeezed him and cooed at him as much as possible for the time we were together. When he fell asleep holding my finger, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. But then, when he woke up and screamed and carried on...I wanted to shoot myself in the head. And here's the real kicker: He is a great baby. He only cried for food and to be changed. He at six months, is babbling and finding his voice and all I wanted was quiet.

I found myself jealous of our PHX friends who like to travel as much as us and the freedom they are enjoying. I found myself resentful of the baby for hindering our trip. We couldn't do a 10 mile hike, because of the baby. We couldn't go down 4 miles into the canyon because the trail was too steep to carry the baby pack with us.

Last night D$ and I were relaxing on our porch planning our next adventures. Next summer came up and we have a few vacations in the work already. Then I made the comment: These plans are all void if we have a baby. That stopped us both short.

I know there is never a right time to have a baby, right?...there is always something we can argue about: traveling, our careers, housing, blah blah. But there can be a WRONG time.

We aren't making any decisions one way or another. But dear god, there is something so appealing to me about being child-free. Something I never really considered before. And this is where I am scared...once you start doubting your desire to pro-create, can you come back from that?

The one thing I am sure of now is that I owe it to myself and to my marriage to explore these feelings and doubts with serious consideration.

post script. These thoughts are fresh...like 12 hours fresh. They are not fully formed and I am just learning how to handle them. I thought a first good step is to write them out. If you are interested in someone who is decidedly child-free and lays out a wonderful map as to how she and her husband got there read this.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Holy Crap-ola

I know that I'm all married up and stuff that our wedding date and subsequent anniversaries are now the measuring stick by which we are judged, but today- today is our sixth anniversary as a couple.

Six years! In honor of this date, I offer six reasons I love D$:

1. There is not a day he doesn't make me laugh. He even makes me laugh at myself, which is huge. Most weeks have at least one or two moments when I almost pee my pants. And when he really gets laughing, really laughing- he makes this adorable "hee hee hee" laugh. Makes me laugh even more.

2. He is a bad-ass cook. He grills up some meat like nobodies business and yet still makes the most delicate of sauces. He has a pallet that seeks out great flavors ad he pairs wines really well and re-create most any food or drink after one tasting. For a foodie like me, this may be reason enough to love him.

3. He is a good friend. To me, my friends and his friends. He cares about people, remembers birthdays and significant events. He works hard (much harder than me) at keeping up relationships and making sure he keeps in touch with friends. When he sees me slumping into myself, he encourages me to call friends or plan a girl date. He makes me a better friend.

4. D$ works hard. At whatever he sets his mind to. Right now, it is finishing his degree. He'll be done in December...its been a sacrifice in our relationship, but he puts his head down and works hard at it. Same with training for a race, work or a hobby. He has an insatiable thirst for knowledge and he is always learning something.

5. He is easy going. Me? I'm a bit high strung, tightly wound, anxious and fast...D$ is easy going. Calm, not quick to rile. He tolerates my rants and helps me see that maybe I was too quick in my judgment...aka wrong. He can get mad, and when he does- run, but it is for a reason.

6. He is adventurous. He always has a trick, a plan...a scheme for something fun and new. He loves to travel, maybe more than I do- which is saying something and he always is planing our next road trip, getaway, vacation. It maybe just a 2 hour drive for some really bad Arizona wine or a 2 week European adventure- he figures it out.

Thanks friend for the best 6 years ever. I love you.