A gathering of ideas, rants, reflections leading up to the big day
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I had a suck -ass day yesterday, so nothing in the world can make me happier than making fun of D$ and telling you what he does to annoy me!
He always, always has eye-boogers. He is like a cocker-spaniel in that regard. I can't stand to look him in the eyes when he has eye-boogers, therefore I am constantly telling him to wipe his eyes.
He likes to watch tv in bed. I HATE to watch tv in bed. In fact we only have one tv in our house and it is not in the bedroom. Instead he sets up the laptop and watches shows online or iTunes. I like to read in bed. So I go to bed about 9:30 and read for 30-45 minutes, fall asleep, he swoops in watches a show. It works for now, but as we are using some of the cash we got as gifts to buy a new tv AND get cable (I know, I know) I fear there will be more tv in the bedroom.
He has questionable table manners. I have fine table manners, when need be. My table problem, to be perfectly honest, is that I tend to eat with my mouth open. I broke my nose 3 times in about 18 months. This will make it difficult to breathe through your nose, so eating was hard...I ate with my mouth open. It is a habit I have found hard to break.
But D$? That man belches at the table, doesn't know what utensil to use, never puts his napkin on his lap...and the most irritating thing: he moves the dishes around. My paternal grandmother was super Victorian, she was a throwback, so when we had Easter dinner at her house, the china came out, fine silver...the works. When we go have Easter with his family, paper plates baby, paper plates. It was drilled in me that water glasses go here, dessert spoon here. He sits down and automatically moves his glasses and pushes his plate to the side. Don't get me wrong, when we eat at home, I belch at the table too, I get casual, but as soon as we go out, I like to follow the rules!
Okay, there you have it. What about you? What annoys you about your significant other?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
So after months of thinking, D$ just got gifts for the guys. No need to make them matching or complementary.
For my brother who is a cook, we got him Larousse Gastronomique, basically a gourmands bible. If you love to eat, drink and cook I highly recommend it.
For Ben, we got him a copy of Hello Wilbur! which seems odd, but for 4 seasons Ben was the Arizona Wildcats mascot, Wilbur and is featured in this book! He also got a new U of A t-shirt.
Mike, the bestman received a gift certificate to his favorite Tucson restaurant. I ran over a few days before he arrived and purchased it and D$ met him at the airport to pass it on. He had told us that he was looking forward to taking his wife back there, as the early months of their courtship were spent in that restaurant. Easy, done!
Because all the gifts were different, they were more personal to each of the guys!
Monday, November 17, 2008
In the end he came, with his wife and my two adorable nieces. The showed up the Wednesday before. They participated in just about everything. When we had family dinner on Thursday, they came. I invited them to every bit of the "wedding weekend". I did not want any blame or accusations about not including them. They came out for a bit to our bachelor/bachelorette party, the the rehearsal dinner and of course to the wedding.
I will not lie and say that it was all roses and kitties. He and I did not speak. He was, to his credit, gracious and generous with his kids. My one niece is only 5 months old and my brother made a point of bringing her over to me to hold and visit often. Their other daughter knew how to say "Aunt Jenn" (she is 2). That was what I needed.
He and orbited around each other, limiting contact. In every picture he is smiling and he did his duty. I would ask no more from him. I know some guests of the wedding have commented to me how unhappy he and his wife appeared to be there. That may be true, but for me and for my parents all I needed was for him to be there.
It is not easy, the time leading up to your wedding. Emotions run high, feelings are hurt. If there is ONE thing, just one thing that I have taken from this wedding blogging community- it has been learning that no wedding is perfect. I know a bunch of bloggers whose parents didn't attend for one reason or another, or siblings missed or tensions were high. This has been the comfort I have received from the blogging community- the knowledge that I am not alone.
I know had he not have come, I would have a lifetime of questions, guilt and hurt to deal with. I'm not sure where we will end up, if we will mend our fences, but I know that because he came, those fences will be easier to mend for me. I am so proud and pleased he showed up, no matter the reasons behind it now. I am happy he was there no matter if he and his wife looked grumpy (and I know that is a reflection of them, not of me). I was happy to see my brother again, if only from across the room.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Basically I made a business card size handout for everyone involved in the wedding with all the information they needed. I made my cards in Word. I used a blank page, set to landscape and divided the page into 1/3s. On one third a made a BRIDAL PARTY version, on 1/3 I made a GROOMSMEN version and on the last third I made a FAMILY version. When cut and folded, the were the size of a business card- small, convenient....what else do you need! I printed them on card stock to add some heft.
Here is the Bridal Party version:
Schedule of Events
Friday, October 10
11:00 am – Rehearsal at Z Mansion
1:00 pm – Bridal Lunch
Pastiche, 3025 N. Campbell Ave
2:30 pm – Optional, Mani/pedi
6:00 pm – REHEARSAL DINNER, El Charro
Saturday, October 11th
11:30 pm – Hair appointments
Essenza Salon, 6320 E Broadway
2:00 pm – Z Mansion
Photographs begin, DON’T BE LATE!
5:00 pm – Ceremony begins
6:00 pm – Reception
Jenn S: 520.
Here is a photo of D$ and Ben at the bachelor/bachelorette party. See the blue cards in their shirt pockets? Yup, that's their groom card!
I loved that the wedding party referred to the cards, used the numbers, called each other and if I was remiss in handing out a card, I was asked "where do I get a blue card?". I was frequently referred to as "the most organized bride"...yeah, I fooled them all!
Brides to be, if you want the template, I'll be happy to send you mine!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Watching this show, I literally felt my uterus jump for joy. I can have a baby now with no societal implications. I won't be unwed! Except we aren't ready. We may never be ready, and we know that, but right now we really aren't ready.
I feel like one big stereotype. Wedding is over, so now let us nest and have babies! Let me just put my apron on and kick off my shoes while I'm at it.
I am dreading Thanksgiving, dreading that we will be surrounded by D$'s family who have no filter when it comes to personal questions. They had been asking us for years about marriage and buying a house and now it'll be about a baby.
We have it mapped out, we have a timeline, we have a plan. But when did it become socially acceptable for co-workers, in-laws, friends to ask us about these plans? When you ask us about buying a house, what you are really doing is prying into our financial situation; and unless you are writing my paycheck, how much I make is none of your business.
So for now, society at large...let us now bask in the glow of our successful happy wedding. Do not remind me about my age, or tell D$ about how interest prices are low. Trust me, we are well aware.
(once again, I step off my soap box)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
One of our favorite wedding gifts was from my parents dear friends Karen and Rick. We received this beautiful vase (in a blue box!) from them just before the wedding.
At the wedding we received a card from them with instructions. We are to fill the vase with flowers on the 11th of every month. This month was on them, so we received a beautiful bouquet this morning. December I am responsible for flowers, January is D$'s turn.
I am totally stealing this idea from them in the future. It will start a new tradition in our house and guarantee that in this busy first year of marriage we slow down and remember each other!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Although I feel like I look horribly uncomfortable in most of my portraits, here are a few I adore:
I felt really silly taking these photos, but Chris was right, my eyes do look amazing, if I do say so myself!
We took like a gazillion "Jenn kiss D$ and now Jenn look at me while D$ kisses you" shots...and I guess for good reason, they are super cute!
We had a bit of help getting my veil to flip up like that. Chris's assistant would run up, flip the veil till the wind caught it, then run away...until this happened.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I had hoped to speak about everyone at the table, I had hoped to be eloquent and grateful and graceful. I had hoped that my expressions of love would flow from me. But instead, I cried like a baby whenever I tried to speak and I was tired, hungover and cranky from the bachelorette party the night before.
I *hope* that for everyone but me, it was a good time. I hope they felt what I wanted them to feel, I hope they enjoyed themselves. Me, not so much.
I am sad that I feel this way. I know I need to let go and move on, and I will. I just want a do-over, you know?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
And know your rights. In Arizona, you have to show id, if your address on your id doesn't match your registered address YOU DO NOT NEED TO FILL OUT A PROVISIONAL BALLOT. You just need your official election materials (at least 1), a utility bill (cell phone counts!) and your id.
If you have falsely filled out a provisional ballot, please follow up, please do what you need to do to make sure your vote counts. Do not listen to the polling workers, they don't always know everything, you are responsible for knowing your rights.
(steps off soap box)
Saturday, November 1, 2008
1. We had a hot dog cart. It was supposed to be announced and D$(my husband) and I would feed each other hot dogs ala wedding cake, but a few guests jumped the gun and we just ate our hot dogs normally. Well I guess if you consider eating a hot dog wrapped in bacon while wearing a wedding dress normal!
2. One of my favorite moments was watching my niece and flower girl Lucy dance away on the dance floor. The dessert buffet was announced and she ran, full speed to the buffet. But it was like one fluid motion: dance, run. Too freaking funny! My brother and I just stood there laughing at each other!
3. My dress kicked the shit out of me. The next day I had bruises from where the boning dug into me and chaffing on my back from the silk. Seriously, I was sore for two days and bruised for a week. you can see in this picture that my dress revolted. Nice shelf, no? Whats up with that and how come no one told me?
4. I don't remember seeing D$ as I walked down the aisle. My dad and I talked the whole time and I looked at Jenn, who was crying, which made me cry some more...but I didn't see D$. I guess our girl crush is solidified Jenn!
5. I forgot to switch my engagement ring to my right hand, so during the ceremony I slyly made the switch!
6. Nothing really went wrong! The florist skipped out before finishing her work, the caterer said we owe them more money, we ran out of wine in 45 minutes (bartender went and bought more), I forgot a BUNCH of stuff, but it was all perfect. I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
7. Somehow, a little dance circle circa 1985 broke out. I had no idea some people could dance so well! Best thing ever, Arturo, from the hot dog cart, he came out to dance! Seriously. The dude I hired to man the hot dog cart, took a little break, came and danced his arse off. I loved it! Isn't he the cutest?
8. Remember M& S's wedding we went to in May? At their wedding, M and S did this dance, and Indian pop thing, were basically you go as low as you can go, and then hop....yeah. I did it with M...freaking hilarious. With a beer in hand... wait! Could THIS be why my dress broke?
If you want to do this meme, go on ahead, I am too lazy to try to tag folks.
The first quote was from "Gifts from the Sea" by Anne Morrow Lindbergh. As a wedding gift, my father gave me his mothers copy of the book. She passed when I was 13, but my father and my uncle both assure me that she and I are very similar and she would have loved sharing books and politics (and beer and cigarettes) with me. He shared with me that she read this book at a very difficult time in her life (affairs, marital troubles) but that it helped her. I knew she loved this book, but had no idea the magnitude of support it provided for her when I chose the quote.
This is the quote my sister in law read:
EXCERPT FROM "THE GIFT FROM THE SEA"~ By Anne Morrow Lindbergh ~
When you love someone, you do not love them all the time, in exactly the same way, from moment to moment. It is an impossibility. It is even a lie to pretend to. And yet this is exactly what most of us demand. We have so little faith in the ebb and flow of life, of love, of relationships. We leap at the flow of the tide and resist in terror its ebb. We are afraid it will never return. We insist on permanency, on duration, on continuity; when the only continuity possible, in life as in love, is in growth, in fluidity - in freedom, in the sense that the dancers are free, barely touching as they pass, but partners in the same pattern.
The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what was in nostalgia, nor forward to what it might be in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Relationships must be like islands, one must accept them for what they are here and now, within their limits - islands, surrounded and interrupted by the sea, and continually visited and abandoned by the tides.
DH's uncle read next. A passage form the bible and admittedly overdone in wedding ceremonies. However, for me it was important to include, because it was read at my parents wedding 44 years ago. 1 Corinthians 13:4-13
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Finally, BM and Matchmaker, Melisa read my favorite relationship quote ever. It was read at a friend's wedding 2 years ago. I always cry at weddings, but I balled when this was read. I knew, if I married the man sitting next to me, I NEEDED this read at my wedding.
Union by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way.
All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.
The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.
For after today you shall say to the world –This is my husband. This is my wife.
Powerful stuff, no? All three readers blew us away. The love, the emotion that came forward from them waved over us.