A gathering of ideas, rants, reflections leading up to the big day

Monday, November 17, 2008

A bit of a follow up

A few of you have asked about my brother. I had mentioned briefly in a previous post that my middle brother and I were estranged. We haven't spoken since last Christmas. Prior to the falling out, he had agreed to be one of D$'s groomsmen along with my other brother. Needless to say, he bailed and for a long time there was a question about if he would even attend.

In the end he came, with his wife and my two adorable nieces. The showed up the Wednesday before. They participated in just about everything. When we had family dinner on Thursday, they came. I invited them to every bit of the "wedding weekend". I did not want any blame or accusations about not including them. They came out for a bit to our bachelor/bachelorette party, the the rehearsal dinner and of course to the wedding.

I will not lie and say that it was all roses and kitties. He and I did not speak. He was, to his credit, gracious and generous with his kids. My one niece is only 5 months old and my brother made a point of bringing her over to me to hold and visit often. Their other daughter knew how to say "Aunt Jenn" (she is 2). That was what I needed.

He and orbited around each other, limiting contact. In every picture he is smiling and he did his duty. I would ask no more from him. I know some guests of the wedding have commented to me how unhappy he and his wife appeared to be there. That may be true, but for me and for my parents all I needed was for him to be there.

It is not easy, the time leading up to your wedding. Emotions run high, feelings are hurt. If there is ONE thing, just one thing that I have taken from this wedding blogging community- it has been learning that no wedding is perfect. I know a bunch of bloggers whose parents didn't attend for one reason or another, or siblings missed or tensions were high. This has been the comfort I have received from the blogging community- the knowledge that I am not alone.

I know had he not have come, I would have a lifetime of questions, guilt and hurt to deal with. I'm not sure where we will end up, if we will mend our fences, but I know that because he came, those fences will be easier to mend for me. I am so proud and pleased he showed up, no matter the reasons behind it now. I am happy he was there no matter if he and his wife looked grumpy (and I know that is a reflection of them, not of me). I was happy to see my brother again, if only from across the room.


Linda said...

I'm glad he showed. I think that's a step in the right direction.

Blablover5 said...

I can kinda understand how you're feeling. My sister and I do not get along. I do not talk to her and just put up with her at family functions.

My general approach is to just be kept as far from her as possible as she is the queen of snide remarks. But she generally kept to herself the wedding day and only dressed like a whore for the costume part (which really surprised a lot of us that she held such restraint).

But it doesn't really get any easier, she's still the favorite for my parents cause she has teh grandbabies and she gets whatever she wants.

Family sure is good at driving one nuts isn't it?

Broke-ass Bride said...

I'm so happy he came. That was a really grown-up thing of him to do, and also very mature way that you handled it. Family can be hard to stand, but in the end they're always family :)

ami @ elizabeth anne designs said...

thank you for this post, i really needed it right now as my RSVPs are rolling in!

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy he showed and it didn't cause any huge upsets. That is great that he brought over his kids for you to be with - that is big. Maybe this is a step in the right direction. You'll always be family no matter what happens and at least there will be no regret or misgivings if he didnt show.