D$ had President's Day off, but I had to work. He decided he would leave Sunday mid-day and head up to see his parents who live 2 hours north of us. Perfect- he gets the time he needs with his folks, I get some quiet time...deal.
As we were getting ready to retire for the evening, D$ said "oh I got a new AAA card". Turns out not only does his mom carry him on her Costco membership- but also on her AAA membership.
This really irks me for a few reasons. Lets break it down.
1. He is a financially independent 33 year old. He can cover these memberships if he so chooses to.
2. By her covering him on Costco and AAA, it prohibits me from receiving a discount by having a joint membership with my husband.
3. (this one is tricky, hear me out) By covering her children on AAA she is saying "your safety matters"...however by NOT covering me, OR even telling D$ to get his own membership with me- she is implying that I am not as valuable. I really want to know if I am ALWAYS going to be *just* a Daughter-in-law? Will this change when perhaps I become the mother to her grandchildren, or will she just cover their memberships?
4. (I know I'm stretching...) D$ is an adult, he has been an adult for over a decade now, paying rent, car payments, making decisions, getting married. As have I. My parents care for me just as much as D$'s parents care for him. However my parents stopped paying incidentals a LONG time ago. There is something annoying and perhaps controlling about his mother providing him with these memberships.
Or am I wrong. Do your parents still pay for stuff? I know he doesn't ask her for these (I would die if he did), but he isn't that cheap!
I guess what I want is for him to stand up and say I don't want your AAA membership unless my wife is covered on it.
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3 comments:
I don't think your crazy at all. I've actually gotten cards from his parents that have to our son and "daughter" like that in quotes. So I'm sort of like a daughter but not really good enough then?
And yes I do feel that while my family just sort of embraced my husband into our crazy disfunctional mess his still keeps me at a distance. Even more so now that we are married, almost as though we know you're here but you aren't blood so you don't matter as much.
I fear some of it is the mother/son bond. They just can't let go. His family loves his sisters fiance and treats him like a new son while I am left out in the cold.
And you're right to be annoyed what if it is you that is stranded out in the middle of no where with a dead car?
I'll confess. I'm on my dad's AAA account and Costco membership. AAA covers any car I'm in. Mine or Tai's or a friend's.
Tai goes with me to Costco so it's never been a problem. I guess if we needed the discount then we would get our own.
I understand your frustration though. Hopefully you can work something out with D to make it work for you.
We're only 22 and 23, getting married this year... and I really dislike his still being "attached" to his parents on those sorts of things.
My parents help us out occasionally, but they let us make our own decisions and just give us the cash. (Or whatever the case may be.)
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