A gathering of ideas, rants, reflections leading up to the big day

Monday, March 24, 2008

In a state of constant disappointment

The Fi and I had a quick visit with his family. We stayed Saturday night with his folks and we had a nice visit. However, lately all of our visits have been peppered with questions from my FMIL:
"will you be having a ring bearer?"
"what kind of cake will you be having?"
we aren't having cake.
"when in the reception will you do the bouquet toss?'
Im not tossing a bouquet.

I feel like I am constantly disappointing my FMIL. I try to explain to her why we aren't doing certain things. Like with the ring bearer...we know no young boy whom we want to include. and guess what? If I didn't have a niece, we'd have no flower girl either!

But the things I want her to focus on and be happy with, she glides over like they don't matter. We told her for the 100th time that my uncle will be marrying us. She asked why we weren't having the Best Man (who was ordained ONLINE do it) rather than my uncle who has been a pastor for 40+ years and has made this not only his profession, but his passion.

I should just be pleased that she cares about the wedding and I know she cares about me. I just wish that she would take the time to get to know me -really get to know me, we'd be good friends I know we would.


Jennifer said...

Well that's just frustrating! I feel for you. What can you say? Nothing. But you feel like she says whatever is on her mind, right? I understand. But she does care, and you know what? It's your wedding, and whether she wants you to have a ring bearer or not, it's up to you. Don't feel like you're disappointing her. You're disappointed, too. Make this your happy day, and she'll see in the end, when you have a fabulous wedding and reception and the time of your lives that you were right all along.

Monica Surfaro Spigelman said...

ah, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship. it usually can't come close to the mom-daughter relationship but we always try. for so many years I felt Jane didn't know me, wasn't interested in talking with me about stuff I was interested in. Gradually it dawned on me that she was talking with me, loving me, just in her own way. she was her own person, not my mom, but a mom still, who I grew very close to. so, give it time, you will be friends. as for her wedding questions, could it be that she may be nervous with you still? Maybe her questions aren't coming out right! (now if she were trying to tell you what to do I would be saying something different. if it's just a matter of awkward questions, just remember you'll all be happy on your glorious day, no matter how many things she asks about!)