I've been up since 4:30- just awake and thinking. I hope I can make it through the day. My love for Fi has not waivered and I have not questioned it once during this process- but man am I a bundle of nerves today.
I'm not sure if I am hungry or nauseous. I am sleepy but can't go back to sleep. I keep trying to convince myself that today is any other day, but my stomach is not agreeing.
I know what I am doing today is not unique. Society has given us this tradition and I am playing my role. That role is so ingrained in me, that if necessary I can just act it out. But I want to be present and I want to be calm and I want my stomach to help me out a bit.
So in a few moments I am going to put on my running clothes and meet my dad for a jog. Then he and I will meet up with my mom and go have breakfast together. Then the day begins.
I'll see you on the other side!