After the wedding

(Note: Today Fi left for a 2 week trip to Brazil for work, send him good blog-love vibes, please!)

I have found myself saying "After the wedding" a lot lately. Some friends asked us over for a get together, I declined, but lets do so after the wedding. My grandpa asked when I was coming to see him. My reply, "after the wedding". I came up with a great idea for a book that I am going to pursue- after the wedding.

Why is it that the one day that marks the beginning of the rest of my life has stunted the rest of my life?

In some areas it is practical, like my spending habits. I look at a dress and unless I can justify for a wedding related function, I don't buy it. Same with shoes, running clothes, books and yarns. That has been helpful and I've learned to maybe manage my money better than before.

Same with salt and vinegar chips. I love salt & vinegar chips. But I am slimming down and working out, so those chips? They can wait till after the wedding.

But my life? Can I really put myself on hold till after the wedding? Part of society has put me on hold too. I can't enter in a conversation with someone without wedding stuff coming up. So clearly my views on Iraq, the election, oil prices and the NBA draft will become clear to me- after the wedding.

I have no children, but I can now sympathize with the stereotypical haggard mother who just wants to talk to an adult. Not that I don't love my wedding blog friends, but the reason I HAVE wedding blog friends is so I can talk to my pre-engagement friends about something other than weddings. But is this a case of the chicken and the egg? Do I talk about wedding stuff so much that's all anyone can talk to me about?

The sick part of it all is that I can't even picture what after the wedding will be like.

I have tried to be pro-active. I've kept up my volunteering. I am going to begin coaching a women's running group (the same one that I signed up for 6 5ks, 3 10ks and a half marathon ago!) and I am still knitting gifts for friends any time I get the chance. I try to ask about a friend first, or check in with people with non-wedding related news.

This last week though I snapped. Hard. I said to myself, in a moment of rage and tears and feeling lost, "after the wedding". I am now justifying to myself that maybe I'll be "normal" again after the wedding.

All I can hope for is that after the wedding I'll be married to my best friend and I can pursue that book idea.