But here's the kicker. Fi's last name was in the news many years ago. It is a name that is recognizable for a newsworthy event. A not so flattering newsworthy event.
That is not the reason I am not changing my name. I am not changing it for a variety of reasons. However, here is the common scenario:
Person: Are you changing your name?
Me: Nope.
Person: What is you fiance's last name?
Me: Newsworthy last name.
Person: Oh, No wonder you aren't changing it!
Me: No, no, that's NOT why.
Person: (dumb look about them)
Me: I'm not changing it due to the fact that I have earned my degree with MY name and because my first name is Jennifer and if you ever had to sit in 7th grade biology as one of 8 Jennifers you'd understand that my last name is my defining name and because I am a feminist (sort of) and I decided in 6th grade not to change my name and I 've been published and I was once ranked as a Scrabble player and even as an adult I work with two other Jennifers and its a hassle and................
Trust me, my decision has nothing to do with his name. It hurts me that most people assume I am not changing it because I am shallow. If I was that shallow, would I even be marrying him?
If we have a family our children will take his name, the dogs will take mine. I am not opposed to his name in any fashion. I just am not going to change mine.
Fi is cool with it, his parents are cool with it (not that if they weren't I would care), my parents are honored by it. But I hate having to justify my decision to people. I want to pull out my diary I wrote in from 1988-1990 and show them my decision as a child to keep my name. I want to show them the school papers in which I changed my middle name to my mom's maiden name so I could be hyphenated and honor my mom. I want them to see that this decision was made before I met my man.
Sometimes I think about changing my name, just to show the world I am not shallow, that I am not embarrassed. But then I remember: I'm not changing it. I don't want to.
8 comments:
Good for you. I decided to change my name when I was a kid. My maiden name is hard to pronounce and my new name is easy to spell and pronounce. It was entirely my decision. DH had no problems one way or the other.
I love when women don't change their name. We're actually one of the few cultures that do it as a rule. I wouldn't have changed mine, but I'm actually trying to "shed" any attachment I had to my family for personal reasons.
Anyway, I think your reasons are awesome, not that you needed any.
Good one! I'm thinking the same thing - there are so many things I've accomplished with my last name on it and I like my last name a lot. Way to go, you.
I am having a debate within myself if I am changing my name or not. My future groom thinks that this is going to be an automatic thing. I am conflicted due to my professions and also sometimes is makes me feel like a lost of independence. I have several months to think about it though.
Just came across this post of yours. It was great...total comic relief!! Good for you :)
for the first 20 years I held to maiden name only. Then worked for company where I was known by married name (and everyone thought I was jewish). Then spent a few years wondering if we should put my maiden name as my son's middle name (as they do in Mexico?). Didn't do it. 36 years into the marriage I am comfortable using a combo of both (not hyphenated), although I am a surfaro through and through, even leigh knows that.
My reasons pretty much boil down to "I don't want to."
I don't understand why so many people demand a reason. I think I've finally gotten past the stage of having to explain my vegetarianism at every family function... now it looks like I have something new to answer to.
This decision was soooo hard. I ultimately have decided to have two middle names...so my "real" name is there legally and I know it's there. I think it's great that you are keeping your name and everyone is cool with it...when I said I wanted to hyphenate, the only one who freaked was MY mom, weird, huh?
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